Well, it has been about a month and a half since I last blogged. I know y'all have been salivating for more :). I really haven't had much to say. Its just been pretty quite lately, but recently things have changed. So, before I begin, I want to say one thing. I promised myself that I would not hold anything back when on this. I know many see this, but if you cant be true to yourself than whats the point. So I am going to be honest and open with myself.....and if that causes problems....then so be it. Atleast I was honest with myself. We all should be the same.
So.....first point. I am about to receive the most precious gift on the planet. My niece and goddaughter will arrive no later than Sunday. I may never have a chance to have a daughter, so I'll treat her as mine. Sorry Bobby and Britt, I'm upping the uncle status and spoiling her as my own. If y'all need a night out together....I am your man. Harper and I are gonna be best buds.....and Kalen is gonna be her big brother. And while she isn't even here yet....I love her so much. Yes, I am am a softy....but I have no shame.
The greatest gift we have ever been given is our hearts. I am obviously talking about them in the metaphorical since. No, we cant survive physically without our hearts, but I personally believe we cant be without the emotional side of them either. And mine just got renewed.
Back when I was in my early twenties I decided to drive my car into a concrete retaining wall. Probably not the best decision I have ever made. Honestly, I was in a hurry to meet a girl.....y'all are all evil....JK. I ended up breaking my right leg, having to move home, bed ridden for over a month, got squishy and flabby from no exercise, having to borrow 5 figure plus of money from my grandfather (who is the most awesome man on the planet) to get out of the hole I dug. It was the proverbial kick in the ass. My life from this point was never the same.
I ended up working 80 hour weeks for over a year and doing nothing but pay my grandfather back He gave me support with no restrictions. I could have whatever funds I wanted and a payback that was as old as him without interest....yet all that did was make me want to pay him back faster. He gave...I wanted to give back. His support and love was a complete turn around for me. From that point on I not only excelled at work, but I went back to college and got my degree. One of two in the family.
So where am I going with this? Two weeks ago I broke my foot. I have been in a funk for about 4 years and limiting my mobility was just another kick in the ass. Can anything else go wrong? But what was weird was the same love and support that I received when I broke my leg popped up all over the place when I broke my foot. Now I wasn't rescuing orphans or puppies from a burning building (although that's what I tell everyone)....I was doing freaking laundry when I broke it. Many will scoff at that but unfortunately my family line suffers from Hypophosphatasia. This is a genetic inability to absorb phosphorous, which leads to calcium absorption, effectively. Call me crazy however, but I don't think it had a thing to do with breaking my foot. I think God kicked it.
It has been such a burden over the last two weeks. I cant fix a meal, bath, get a drink, whatever....without it being an ordeal. I feel for those that have permanent afflictions such as this. You don't know how lucky you are to do the things you do until they are taken away from you. And I don't know, but since this has happened, my outlook on things has changed dramatically. Just as I had been in such a low state in my early twenties, broke my leg, and came out charging.....I feel this is round 2. And the biggest sign of such happened just a bit ago. I felt my heart.
My divorce disseminated me. I tried to be the husband that God speaks of, but it didn't keep us together. Looking back on things I can understand why, and while I don't point the finger at me I often wonder can I ever get back there. Has my heart been destroyed? Well, I don't think so now.
Just the other day I ran into someone and the moment I saw her my heart literally skipped a beat and I had to catch my breath. This is something I haven't felt in over 8 years. It was invigorating. I wasn't expecting it and really don't know what to do with it. Its the best feeling I have had in years....and I am not one to give it up. She may think I am the Elephant Man (seriously...is that possible :) ) but after that chest kick she is bound to see me again....even if she doesn't want to. The point is....I haven't felt this way in years. I felt I was broken and would be forever, yet now I know that my heart is still there and I can move forward. WOW.... if this is God giving me a a sign.....dude, next time can we do it without the broken bones......thanks!
Peace out..........
Jeremy
