The pen has been a mighty tool over the years. It has written one of our most important documents, the Declaration. It allows one to buy a house. It gives your child their name. It allows you to poke your enemies eyes out and use it to scan biometric scanners.... OK, the last one could be a just a stick.....I agree. However, the pen is also mightier than the Theory of Relativity...as it can travel and erase time.
On Monday, Feb. 27, at about 8:30am, in an obscure building in Fort Worth, a random individual I have never met, put a pen to paper and erased ten years of my life. He/She literally made me travel back in time, erase the last 10 years as if they hadn't existed. It's amazing what a pen can do.
I am now a divorce'. It's odd. It's not any different than who I was on Sunday, but this stranger has somehow altered my past and future. I feel It. But I don't know How to feel. Should I feel like I am in my twenties again ready to prowl the scene.....should I feel like I am beyond my prime, past my expiration date, good to no one........used and on the shelf of the Salvation Army.....or returned and put on the shelf as the most wanted Christmas item of the season. Whatever I should feel, I feel fortunate for one thing. Even though the pen has erased most of the last ten years of my life, stripping almost all who were important to me over that time, it hasn't erased my son. He bends all time....he is the quintessential black hole. And I cherish that.
I may have lost everything from the last ten years of my life. Friend, mate, house, money, stability, family, but I still have Kalen. And as I move into this new phase of my life.....people may scoff as my best friend is a 5 year old.....but in the end its those that look at you without reservation that make you whole. That's my son. And that is something all should seek in a mate. No reservations. For those that have this, congratulations. For those that don't, have faith in that it is possible. My grandparents couldn't have been married for over 70 years without it. :)
Till then I will continue with this blog and let the twenty first century pen do the mighty thing it may........expressing my heart.
Peace out...
J
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
New Love in My Life......
Strange.....my divorce will likely be final next week and ironically I have a new love in my life. Its been 4 years coming, which makes it all the more sweeter. Her name is Harper, and while we have just met, she has already stolen my heart.
She's a bit younger than the others girls I usually date.......and a bit shorter, 18.9 inches. Nothing a good pair of heels shouldn't solve. And she's a little skinner than I like at 6 lbs. 11 ozs......and although I love petite women, she could stand to gain a few pounds. Thankfully, she likes to eat. She also likes to sleep too, however she is a night owl and likes to be up at night.....same as me as well. I have already met her parents.....yes, I know we are moving fast.....but it was just meant to be. Her dad is a handsome fellow who reminds me of myself and her mother is so nice she seems like a sister. She hasn't met my son yet, but I cant imagine them not liking each other.
Well, its a new love, but I can tell it will be here for a long time. So congratulate us!!!! We have already gotten our picture together.......see below......
Peace out...
J
She's a bit younger than the others girls I usually date.......and a bit shorter, 18.9 inches. Nothing a good pair of heels shouldn't solve. And she's a little skinner than I like at 6 lbs. 11 ozs......and although I love petite women, she could stand to gain a few pounds. Thankfully, she likes to eat. She also likes to sleep too, however she is a night owl and likes to be up at night.....same as me as well. I have already met her parents.....yes, I know we are moving fast.....but it was just meant to be. Her dad is a handsome fellow who reminds me of myself and her mother is so nice she seems like a sister. She hasn't met my son yet, but I cant imagine them not liking each other.
Well, its a new love, but I can tell it will be here for a long time. So congratulate us!!!! We have already gotten our picture together.......see below......
Peace out...
J
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Take a step back....to go forward
Well, it has been about a month and a half since I last blogged. I know y'all have been salivating for more :). I really haven't had much to say. Its just been pretty quite lately, but recently things have changed. So, before I begin, I want to say one thing. I promised myself that I would not hold anything back when on this. I know many see this, but if you cant be true to yourself than whats the point. So I am going to be honest and open with myself.....and if that causes problems....then so be it. Atleast I was honest with myself. We all should be the same.
So.....first point. I am about to receive the most precious gift on the planet. My niece and goddaughter will arrive no later than Sunday. I may never have a chance to have a daughter, so I'll treat her as mine. Sorry Bobby and Britt, I'm upping the uncle status and spoiling her as my own. If y'all need a night out together....I am your man. Harper and I are gonna be best buds.....and Kalen is gonna be her big brother. And while she isn't even here yet....I love her so much. Yes, I am am a softy....but I have no shame.
The greatest gift we have ever been given is our hearts. I am obviously talking about them in the metaphorical since. No, we cant survive physically without our hearts, but I personally believe we cant be without the emotional side of them either. And mine just got renewed.
Back when I was in my early twenties I decided to drive my car into a concrete retaining wall. Probably not the best decision I have ever made. Honestly, I was in a hurry to meet a girl.....y'all are all evil....JK. I ended up breaking my right leg, having to move home, bed ridden for over a month, got squishy and flabby from no exercise, having to borrow 5 figure plus of money from my grandfather (who is the most awesome man on the planet) to get out of the hole I dug. It was the proverbial kick in the ass. My life from this point was never the same.
I ended up working 80 hour weeks for over a year and doing nothing but pay my grandfather back He gave me support with no restrictions. I could have whatever funds I wanted and a payback that was as old as him without interest....yet all that did was make me want to pay him back faster. He gave...I wanted to give back. His support and love was a complete turn around for me. From that point on I not only excelled at work, but I went back to college and got my degree. One of two in the family.
So where am I going with this? Two weeks ago I broke my foot. I have been in a funk for about 4 years and limiting my mobility was just another kick in the ass. Can anything else go wrong? But what was weird was the same love and support that I received when I broke my leg popped up all over the place when I broke my foot. Now I wasn't rescuing orphans or puppies from a burning building (although that's what I tell everyone)....I was doing freaking laundry when I broke it. Many will scoff at that but unfortunately my family line suffers from Hypophosphatasia. This is a genetic inability to absorb phosphorous, which leads to calcium absorption, effectively. Call me crazy however, but I don't think it had a thing to do with breaking my foot. I think God kicked it.
It has been such a burden over the last two weeks. I cant fix a meal, bath, get a drink, whatever....without it being an ordeal. I feel for those that have permanent afflictions such as this. You don't know how lucky you are to do the things you do until they are taken away from you. And I don't know, but since this has happened, my outlook on things has changed dramatically. Just as I had been in such a low state in my early twenties, broke my leg, and came out charging.....I feel this is round 2. And the biggest sign of such happened just a bit ago. I felt my heart.
My divorce disseminated me. I tried to be the husband that God speaks of, but it didn't keep us together. Looking back on things I can understand why, and while I don't point the finger at me I often wonder can I ever get back there. Has my heart been destroyed? Well, I don't think so now.
Just the other day I ran into someone and the moment I saw her my heart literally skipped a beat and I had to catch my breath. This is something I haven't felt in over 8 years. It was invigorating. I wasn't expecting it and really don't know what to do with it. Its the best feeling I have had in years....and I am not one to give it up. She may think I am the Elephant Man (seriously...is that possible :) ) but after that chest kick she is bound to see me again....even if she doesn't want to. The point is....I haven't felt this way in years. I felt I was broken and would be forever, yet now I know that my heart is still there and I can move forward. WOW.... if this is God giving me a a sign.....dude, next time can we do it without the broken bones......thanks!
Peace out..........
Jeremy
So.....first point. I am about to receive the most precious gift on the planet. My niece and goddaughter will arrive no later than Sunday. I may never have a chance to have a daughter, so I'll treat her as mine. Sorry Bobby and Britt, I'm upping the uncle status and spoiling her as my own. If y'all need a night out together....I am your man. Harper and I are gonna be best buds.....and Kalen is gonna be her big brother. And while she isn't even here yet....I love her so much. Yes, I am am a softy....but I have no shame.
The greatest gift we have ever been given is our hearts. I am obviously talking about them in the metaphorical since. No, we cant survive physically without our hearts, but I personally believe we cant be without the emotional side of them either. And mine just got renewed.
Back when I was in my early twenties I decided to drive my car into a concrete retaining wall. Probably not the best decision I have ever made. Honestly, I was in a hurry to meet a girl.....y'all are all evil....JK. I ended up breaking my right leg, having to move home, bed ridden for over a month, got squishy and flabby from no exercise, having to borrow 5 figure plus of money from my grandfather (who is the most awesome man on the planet) to get out of the hole I dug. It was the proverbial kick in the ass. My life from this point was never the same.
I ended up working 80 hour weeks for over a year and doing nothing but pay my grandfather back He gave me support with no restrictions. I could have whatever funds I wanted and a payback that was as old as him without interest....yet all that did was make me want to pay him back faster. He gave...I wanted to give back. His support and love was a complete turn around for me. From that point on I not only excelled at work, but I went back to college and got my degree. One of two in the family.
So where am I going with this? Two weeks ago I broke my foot. I have been in a funk for about 4 years and limiting my mobility was just another kick in the ass. Can anything else go wrong? But what was weird was the same love and support that I received when I broke my leg popped up all over the place when I broke my foot. Now I wasn't rescuing orphans or puppies from a burning building (although that's what I tell everyone)....I was doing freaking laundry when I broke it. Many will scoff at that but unfortunately my family line suffers from Hypophosphatasia. This is a genetic inability to absorb phosphorous, which leads to calcium absorption, effectively. Call me crazy however, but I don't think it had a thing to do with breaking my foot. I think God kicked it.
It has been such a burden over the last two weeks. I cant fix a meal, bath, get a drink, whatever....without it being an ordeal. I feel for those that have permanent afflictions such as this. You don't know how lucky you are to do the things you do until they are taken away from you. And I don't know, but since this has happened, my outlook on things has changed dramatically. Just as I had been in such a low state in my early twenties, broke my leg, and came out charging.....I feel this is round 2. And the biggest sign of such happened just a bit ago. I felt my heart.
My divorce disseminated me. I tried to be the husband that God speaks of, but it didn't keep us together. Looking back on things I can understand why, and while I don't point the finger at me I often wonder can I ever get back there. Has my heart been destroyed? Well, I don't think so now.
Just the other day I ran into someone and the moment I saw her my heart literally skipped a beat and I had to catch my breath. This is something I haven't felt in over 8 years. It was invigorating. I wasn't expecting it and really don't know what to do with it. Its the best feeling I have had in years....and I am not one to give it up. She may think I am the Elephant Man (seriously...is that possible :) ) but after that chest kick she is bound to see me again....even if she doesn't want to. The point is....I haven't felt this way in years. I felt I was broken and would be forever, yet now I know that my heart is still there and I can move forward. WOW.... if this is God giving me a a sign.....dude, next time can we do it without the broken bones......thanks!
Peace out..........
Jeremy
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