The pen has been a mighty tool over the years. It has written one of our most important documents, the Declaration. It allows one to buy a house. It gives your child their name. It allows you to poke your enemies eyes out and use it to scan biometric scanners.... OK, the last one could be a just a stick.....I agree. However, the pen is also mightier than the Theory of Relativity...as it can travel and erase time.
On Monday, Feb. 27, at about 8:30am, in an obscure building in Fort Worth, a random individual I have never met, put a pen to paper and erased ten years of my life. He/She literally made me travel back in time, erase the last 10 years as if they hadn't existed. It's amazing what a pen can do.
I am now a divorce'. It's odd. It's not any different than who I was on Sunday, but this stranger has somehow altered my past and future. I feel It. But I don't know How to feel. Should I feel like I am in my twenties again ready to prowl the scene.....should I feel like I am beyond my prime, past my expiration date, good to no one........used and on the shelf of the Salvation Army.....or returned and put on the shelf as the most wanted Christmas item of the season. Whatever I should feel, I feel fortunate for one thing. Even though the pen has erased most of the last ten years of my life, stripping almost all who were important to me over that time, it hasn't erased my son. He bends all time....he is the quintessential black hole. And I cherish that.
I may have lost everything from the last ten years of my life. Friend, mate, house, money, stability, family, but I still have Kalen. And as I move into this new phase of my life.....people may scoff as my best friend is a 5 year old.....but in the end its those that look at you without reservation that make you whole. That's my son. And that is something all should seek in a mate. No reservations. For those that have this, congratulations. For those that don't, have faith in that it is possible. My grandparents couldn't have been married for over 70 years without it. :)
Till then I will continue with this blog and let the twenty first century pen do the mighty thing it may........expressing my heart.
Peace out...
J
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
New Love in My Life......
Strange.....my divorce will likely be final next week and ironically I have a new love in my life. Its been 4 years coming, which makes it all the more sweeter. Her name is Harper, and while we have just met, she has already stolen my heart.
She's a bit younger than the others girls I usually date.......and a bit shorter, 18.9 inches. Nothing a good pair of heels shouldn't solve. And she's a little skinner than I like at 6 lbs. 11 ozs......and although I love petite women, she could stand to gain a few pounds. Thankfully, she likes to eat. She also likes to sleep too, however she is a night owl and likes to be up at night.....same as me as well. I have already met her parents.....yes, I know we are moving fast.....but it was just meant to be. Her dad is a handsome fellow who reminds me of myself and her mother is so nice she seems like a sister. She hasn't met my son yet, but I cant imagine them not liking each other.
Well, its a new love, but I can tell it will be here for a long time. So congratulate us!!!! We have already gotten our picture together.......see below......
Peace out...
J
She's a bit younger than the others girls I usually date.......and a bit shorter, 18.9 inches. Nothing a good pair of heels shouldn't solve. And she's a little skinner than I like at 6 lbs. 11 ozs......and although I love petite women, she could stand to gain a few pounds. Thankfully, she likes to eat. She also likes to sleep too, however she is a night owl and likes to be up at night.....same as me as well. I have already met her parents.....yes, I know we are moving fast.....but it was just meant to be. Her dad is a handsome fellow who reminds me of myself and her mother is so nice she seems like a sister. She hasn't met my son yet, but I cant imagine them not liking each other.
Well, its a new love, but I can tell it will be here for a long time. So congratulate us!!!! We have already gotten our picture together.......see below......
Peace out...
J
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Take a step back....to go forward
Well, it has been about a month and a half since I last blogged. I know y'all have been salivating for more :). I really haven't had much to say. Its just been pretty quite lately, but recently things have changed. So, before I begin, I want to say one thing. I promised myself that I would not hold anything back when on this. I know many see this, but if you cant be true to yourself than whats the point. So I am going to be honest and open with myself.....and if that causes problems....then so be it. Atleast I was honest with myself. We all should be the same.
So.....first point. I am about to receive the most precious gift on the planet. My niece and goddaughter will arrive no later than Sunday. I may never have a chance to have a daughter, so I'll treat her as mine. Sorry Bobby and Britt, I'm upping the uncle status and spoiling her as my own. If y'all need a night out together....I am your man. Harper and I are gonna be best buds.....and Kalen is gonna be her big brother. And while she isn't even here yet....I love her so much. Yes, I am am a softy....but I have no shame.
The greatest gift we have ever been given is our hearts. I am obviously talking about them in the metaphorical since. No, we cant survive physically without our hearts, but I personally believe we cant be without the emotional side of them either. And mine just got renewed.
Back when I was in my early twenties I decided to drive my car into a concrete retaining wall. Probably not the best decision I have ever made. Honestly, I was in a hurry to meet a girl.....y'all are all evil....JK. I ended up breaking my right leg, having to move home, bed ridden for over a month, got squishy and flabby from no exercise, having to borrow 5 figure plus of money from my grandfather (who is the most awesome man on the planet) to get out of the hole I dug. It was the proverbial kick in the ass. My life from this point was never the same.
I ended up working 80 hour weeks for over a year and doing nothing but pay my grandfather back He gave me support with no restrictions. I could have whatever funds I wanted and a payback that was as old as him without interest....yet all that did was make me want to pay him back faster. He gave...I wanted to give back. His support and love was a complete turn around for me. From that point on I not only excelled at work, but I went back to college and got my degree. One of two in the family.
So where am I going with this? Two weeks ago I broke my foot. I have been in a funk for about 4 years and limiting my mobility was just another kick in the ass. Can anything else go wrong? But what was weird was the same love and support that I received when I broke my leg popped up all over the place when I broke my foot. Now I wasn't rescuing orphans or puppies from a burning building (although that's what I tell everyone)....I was doing freaking laundry when I broke it. Many will scoff at that but unfortunately my family line suffers from Hypophosphatasia. This is a genetic inability to absorb phosphorous, which leads to calcium absorption, effectively. Call me crazy however, but I don't think it had a thing to do with breaking my foot. I think God kicked it.
It has been such a burden over the last two weeks. I cant fix a meal, bath, get a drink, whatever....without it being an ordeal. I feel for those that have permanent afflictions such as this. You don't know how lucky you are to do the things you do until they are taken away from you. And I don't know, but since this has happened, my outlook on things has changed dramatically. Just as I had been in such a low state in my early twenties, broke my leg, and came out charging.....I feel this is round 2. And the biggest sign of such happened just a bit ago. I felt my heart.
My divorce disseminated me. I tried to be the husband that God speaks of, but it didn't keep us together. Looking back on things I can understand why, and while I don't point the finger at me I often wonder can I ever get back there. Has my heart been destroyed? Well, I don't think so now.
Just the other day I ran into someone and the moment I saw her my heart literally skipped a beat and I had to catch my breath. This is something I haven't felt in over 8 years. It was invigorating. I wasn't expecting it and really don't know what to do with it. Its the best feeling I have had in years....and I am not one to give it up. She may think I am the Elephant Man (seriously...is that possible :) ) but after that chest kick she is bound to see me again....even if she doesn't want to. The point is....I haven't felt this way in years. I felt I was broken and would be forever, yet now I know that my heart is still there and I can move forward. WOW.... if this is God giving me a a sign.....dude, next time can we do it without the broken bones......thanks!
Peace out..........
Jeremy
So.....first point. I am about to receive the most precious gift on the planet. My niece and goddaughter will arrive no later than Sunday. I may never have a chance to have a daughter, so I'll treat her as mine. Sorry Bobby and Britt, I'm upping the uncle status and spoiling her as my own. If y'all need a night out together....I am your man. Harper and I are gonna be best buds.....and Kalen is gonna be her big brother. And while she isn't even here yet....I love her so much. Yes, I am am a softy....but I have no shame.
The greatest gift we have ever been given is our hearts. I am obviously talking about them in the metaphorical since. No, we cant survive physically without our hearts, but I personally believe we cant be without the emotional side of them either. And mine just got renewed.
Back when I was in my early twenties I decided to drive my car into a concrete retaining wall. Probably not the best decision I have ever made. Honestly, I was in a hurry to meet a girl.....y'all are all evil....JK. I ended up breaking my right leg, having to move home, bed ridden for over a month, got squishy and flabby from no exercise, having to borrow 5 figure plus of money from my grandfather (who is the most awesome man on the planet) to get out of the hole I dug. It was the proverbial kick in the ass. My life from this point was never the same.
I ended up working 80 hour weeks for over a year and doing nothing but pay my grandfather back He gave me support with no restrictions. I could have whatever funds I wanted and a payback that was as old as him without interest....yet all that did was make me want to pay him back faster. He gave...I wanted to give back. His support and love was a complete turn around for me. From that point on I not only excelled at work, but I went back to college and got my degree. One of two in the family.
So where am I going with this? Two weeks ago I broke my foot. I have been in a funk for about 4 years and limiting my mobility was just another kick in the ass. Can anything else go wrong? But what was weird was the same love and support that I received when I broke my leg popped up all over the place when I broke my foot. Now I wasn't rescuing orphans or puppies from a burning building (although that's what I tell everyone)....I was doing freaking laundry when I broke it. Many will scoff at that but unfortunately my family line suffers from Hypophosphatasia. This is a genetic inability to absorb phosphorous, which leads to calcium absorption, effectively. Call me crazy however, but I don't think it had a thing to do with breaking my foot. I think God kicked it.
It has been such a burden over the last two weeks. I cant fix a meal, bath, get a drink, whatever....without it being an ordeal. I feel for those that have permanent afflictions such as this. You don't know how lucky you are to do the things you do until they are taken away from you. And I don't know, but since this has happened, my outlook on things has changed dramatically. Just as I had been in such a low state in my early twenties, broke my leg, and came out charging.....I feel this is round 2. And the biggest sign of such happened just a bit ago. I felt my heart.
My divorce disseminated me. I tried to be the husband that God speaks of, but it didn't keep us together. Looking back on things I can understand why, and while I don't point the finger at me I often wonder can I ever get back there. Has my heart been destroyed? Well, I don't think so now.
Just the other day I ran into someone and the moment I saw her my heart literally skipped a beat and I had to catch my breath. This is something I haven't felt in over 8 years. It was invigorating. I wasn't expecting it and really don't know what to do with it. Its the best feeling I have had in years....and I am not one to give it up. She may think I am the Elephant Man (seriously...is that possible :) ) but after that chest kick she is bound to see me again....even if she doesn't want to. The point is....I haven't felt this way in years. I felt I was broken and would be forever, yet now I know that my heart is still there and I can move forward. WOW.... if this is God giving me a a sign.....dude, next time can we do it without the broken bones......thanks!
Peace out..........
Jeremy
Sunday, December 18, 2011
True Love
I recently hung a framed picture of a portion of I Corinthians 13 in my house. For those that do not know it, here it is:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
This is probably my favorite verse in the Bible. I look to it to remind me that the love I seek is possible and that, if right, it can not fail.
Anyways, I had a friend who noticed I hung this and a conversation ensued:
Friend: So, do you really believe that?
Me: Believe what?
Friend: Love never fails. I mean.....considering what has happened lately......
Me: Of course I do.
Friend: How could you?
It was really hard to think of a way to explain this. The best way I could think of is giving the example of a parents and child's love....atleast the way I see it. With my son, there is nothing I wouldn't do. No matter what would happen in life, I would be there for him. I would never leave, my love would never end, my faith in us would never waiver. I believe that is true love. When I said this, I was asked:
Friend: So, what you had wasn't true love?
Me: I had true love, but my partner did not.
It always takes two. And in the case of the Bible, the Lord has it for us. There isn't one thing we could do that would change His love for us. We should all approach love and marriage with the same attitude. Both parties, particularly when they are getting married, should have the same faith and love between one another. I believe it is the only way it will work. If you cant make the same blind faith promise that He has made with us to your future mate, then you are destined to fail. However, if you can, you are in for what I believe is a life of bliss.
Peace out...
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
This is probably my favorite verse in the Bible. I look to it to remind me that the love I seek is possible and that, if right, it can not fail.
Anyways, I had a friend who noticed I hung this and a conversation ensued:
Friend: So, do you really believe that?
Me: Believe what?
Friend: Love never fails. I mean.....considering what has happened lately......
Me: Of course I do.
Friend: How could you?
It was really hard to think of a way to explain this. The best way I could think of is giving the example of a parents and child's love....atleast the way I see it. With my son, there is nothing I wouldn't do. No matter what would happen in life, I would be there for him. I would never leave, my love would never end, my faith in us would never waiver. I believe that is true love. When I said this, I was asked:
Friend: So, what you had wasn't true love?
Me: I had true love, but my partner did not.
It always takes two. And in the case of the Bible, the Lord has it for us. There isn't one thing we could do that would change His love for us. We should all approach love and marriage with the same attitude. Both parties, particularly when they are getting married, should have the same faith and love between one another. I believe it is the only way it will work. If you cant make the same blind faith promise that He has made with us to your future mate, then you are destined to fail. However, if you can, you are in for what I believe is a life of bliss.
Peace out...
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I am an athletic God!
With my recent situation I have had alot of free time on my hands. Because of such, I have looked to fill it. I am working on multiple things, but as of today my Tuesday's dance card is full. A group of friends and coworkers have gathered to participate in the pinnacle of athletic prowess. Every Tuesday night for the next 12 weeks we will meet on the battlefield of sweat and blood. I must train.....and train hard. Many men of my age have a hard time playing in this field of sport as it is so physically brutal. However, I am on the market now and must lend myself to activities that will build my physic to attract the greater gender. I am now in......a bowling league.
Yes......I am in a bowling league now.....and with my manly handicap average of 125 I will smite those that oppose me.
All seriousness aside, tonight was actually fun. While not the most athletic of sports, it is still an acquired talent. What was really weird about tonight was that AMF had photographers on site to photograph the starting leagues. These pictures were to be use in marketing materials for AMF and we had to sign a waiver before we played so we couldn't sue them for using our pictures. Ironically, we are one of the youngest leagues.....and because of such, the photographer came up to me and said she needed some good photographs and that the other geriatric players weren't going to give it to her. She needed some poster ready photos. So, since I am so shy, I told her I would do whatever pose she wanted. So if you are ever at an AMF and see a photo of a really good looking man sliding on both knees.......arms raised.....screaming in victory......well.....you are blessed to know him.
Peace out...
Yes......I am in a bowling league now.....and with my manly handicap average of 125 I will smite those that oppose me.
All seriousness aside, tonight was actually fun. While not the most athletic of sports, it is still an acquired talent. What was really weird about tonight was that AMF had photographers on site to photograph the starting leagues. These pictures were to be use in marketing materials for AMF and we had to sign a waiver before we played so we couldn't sue them for using our pictures. Ironically, we are one of the youngest leagues.....and because of such, the photographer came up to me and said she needed some good photographs and that the other geriatric players weren't going to give it to her. She needed some poster ready photos. So, since I am so shy, I told her I would do whatever pose she wanted. So if you are ever at an AMF and see a photo of a really good looking man sliding on both knees.......arms raised.....screaming in victory......well.....you are blessed to know him.
Peace out...
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Movies & Music
I love movies and music, however movies are my love. Ironically, though, it seems lately I have shifted to more music. When I looked at my most played songs I noticed that a majority of them are from movies and special times in my life.....not just songs that I like. Most people love songs because it reminds them of certain times of their lives. Just like Pesci from With Honors when he picks up rocks, each song concretes a moment within your life that you will never forget. So here are some examples from my most recent most played list........
1. The Touch - Stan Bush - The lead song for the 80's Transformer movie. I showed this to my son and he loves this movie......one should wonder why I have listened to it lately. :)
2. Sway - Bic Runga - Originally on the first American Pie movie, and one of my favorite songs, recently has moved forward on the play list as I think someone out there could sing this and make it even better.
3. Theme from Superman - John Williams - I saw Superman Returns within 48 hours of my son being born in a midnight showing while he was asleep at the hospital. That's how much a die hard Superman fan I am. My son and I now play super heroes all the time and Superman is the fav.
4. Wild Horses - The Sundays - This version I heard for the first time on a Buffy episode. One of my favorite TV shows of all time and one of the most romantic.....this brings me back to thinking that love is always possible.
5. A Little Fall of Rain - Les Miserables - I love musical theater, and this was the song that cemented it for me.
6. The Music of the Night - Phantom of the Opera - I left the musical genre at one point and this is what brought me back.
7. Drive (Deftones Cover) - The last song at my sisters wedding. Everytime I here it it reassures me that I will be back there one day.
8. Alright - Darius Rucker - Played at one of my best friends weddings down in Playa. The words are simple and the idea as well. I will be alright when she is there................
9. Steal Away - Robbie DuPree - I really hate this song, but it reminds me when one of my best friends and I were in college and we tried to come up with songs that you couldnt get out of your head. This was the crowning champion......
10. Consider Me Gone - Reba McEntire - Really easy.....listen to the song and you will know.
11. Every Day I Live - Gateway Worship - My fav at the church I attend now. The people there are great and gives me renewed faith in those within the world.
12. Chicken Fried - Zac Brown Band - The last verse about those that serve remind me of my best friends Matt and Chris who I look up to.
13. Kiss a Girl - Keith Urban - Right where I am..... :-)
So, how about ya'll. Any songs that bring great memories or goals for you....?????
1. The Touch - Stan Bush - The lead song for the 80's Transformer movie. I showed this to my son and he loves this movie......one should wonder why I have listened to it lately. :)
2. Sway - Bic Runga - Originally on the first American Pie movie, and one of my favorite songs, recently has moved forward on the play list as I think someone out there could sing this and make it even better.
3. Theme from Superman - John Williams - I saw Superman Returns within 48 hours of my son being born in a midnight showing while he was asleep at the hospital. That's how much a die hard Superman fan I am. My son and I now play super heroes all the time and Superman is the fav.
4. Wild Horses - The Sundays - This version I heard for the first time on a Buffy episode. One of my favorite TV shows of all time and one of the most romantic.....this brings me back to thinking that love is always possible.
5. A Little Fall of Rain - Les Miserables - I love musical theater, and this was the song that cemented it for me.
6. The Music of the Night - Phantom of the Opera - I left the musical genre at one point and this is what brought me back.
7. Drive (Deftones Cover) - The last song at my sisters wedding. Everytime I here it it reassures me that I will be back there one day.
8. Alright - Darius Rucker - Played at one of my best friends weddings down in Playa. The words are simple and the idea as well. I will be alright when she is there................
9. Steal Away - Robbie DuPree - I really hate this song, but it reminds me when one of my best friends and I were in college and we tried to come up with songs that you couldnt get out of your head. This was the crowning champion......
10. Consider Me Gone - Reba McEntire - Really easy.....listen to the song and you will know.
11. Every Day I Live - Gateway Worship - My fav at the church I attend now. The people there are great and gives me renewed faith in those within the world.
12. Chicken Fried - Zac Brown Band - The last verse about those that serve remind me of my best friends Matt and Chris who I look up to.
13. Kiss a Girl - Keith Urban - Right where I am..... :-)
So, how about ya'll. Any songs that bring great memories or goals for you....?????
Friday, December 9, 2011
Question for the Ladies......
I have been blessed with the best wingman ever....my son. When I go out in public with him it's like I have bathed myself in catnip and a pack of lionesses in heat are stampeding me. Don't get me wrong, I love it, however sadly this does not occur when he is not around. So, what is it with you lovely women and men with adorable kids? Below are the only feasible reasons....choose wisely.
A. You feel it is easier to approach men who have children as you can use them as an "in". Doing otherwise would seem too forward, which is morally reprehensible. (No its not, but many seem to think it is.)
B. Seeing a man with a kid gives you incite that he MAY be a loving and caring father which is a highly sought after attribute in those that you date.
C. Its not the kid, it's my rugged good looks.
D. Stop laughing. C is completely plausible, especially if the meeting is in a dimly lit place.
E. The kid is just too damn cute and I didn't even notice you there.
Sadly, my son is not always with me. So I am thinking of making full size cardboard cutouts of him to take with me on outings. It has also led me toward a possible business idea.......Rent-A-Kid. Single men could rent adorable 5 year olds to take out in public........then again, that sounds really Sandusky like. Scratch that!
Peace out...
B. Seeing a man with a kid gives you incite that he MAY be a loving and caring father which is a highly sought after attribute in those that you date.
C. Its not the kid, it's my rugged good looks.
D. Stop laughing. C is completely plausible, especially if the meeting is in a dimly lit place.
E. The kid is just too damn cute and I didn't even notice you there.
Sadly, my son is not always with me. So I am thinking of making full size cardboard cutouts of him to take with me on outings. It has also led me toward a possible business idea.......Rent-A-Kid. Single men could rent adorable 5 year olds to take out in public........then again, that sounds really Sandusky like. Scratch that!
Peace out...
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